Friday, October 28, 2011

hawt is as hawt does........

via e-mail, OKCupid has just informed me that i am "hot."  supposedly, this is based upon how my profile is rated by those who visit it and since i am "very attractive" OKCupid will henceforth preferentially select only 'more attractive' people for my matches.   alrighty, then...........i am very glad that OKCupid has done this because.......well, i've never felt "hot."  i've always been the guy too much anything to be "hot:"  too skinny, too fat, too young, too old, too weird, too poor, too smart, too goofy...too....whatever.   i've gotten so used to being the one-never-just-so that i don't feel validated by OKCupid telling me that i am "hot."  actually, it feels like a threat.   ok, so it is nice to have insane queers living >6 hr. drives from me blowing up my in-box with missives elaborating how attractive i am and how much they desire to know me better.   tho' i prefer my needinesses validated locally, thank you.   i'm still reeling from being cruised hard in the post office, last friday.  i've researched the fellow, and now i'm regretting i wasn't bold enough to do more than follow him home (he's moved in 4 houses down from my house in town....convenient, eh?).....we'll call him....Nurse Chad.   consider me very intrigued.....perhaps i can use my wiles and get him to visit with me over a pot of the good tea at the Coffee Shop/Tea House downtown.   face it, i'm at the age where i don't really have sexual fantasies.....i fantasize about sleep. 
before going in to work, i was chatted up by 2 EMTs in the ED parking lot.  if i wasn't pressed for time, i might have considered inviting them to take me for a ride in their ambulance.  boy, i'm getting sluttish in my old age.
still, the whole idea behind the OKCupid thing was to expand my circle of "blessedly not str8" friends......i'm only friendly with Sister Page, Mz. Hopkins, and The Scary Gay Cuz.  my intentions are not so much driven by a desire for romance (it would be nice, i guess) or meaningless bunky (oh lawd, i've had enough of that for any 3 peoples)  i've been on my own since my partner passed away in 2001, and  i do believe i've lost the habits of loving and caring for someone and it is difficult for me to imagine finding myself in such blessed circumstances again.  not that i'm averse to the notion.....just, honestly, it is hard to envision.   besides, i'm more of a quiet everyday kind of horror.....albeit a "hot" one.